Unhinged
by Postapocalypticdepository
Summary: Bella awakes to find her friend's no longer there. (Told in hundred word drabbles) (Inspired by New Moon and social media)
1. Chapter 1

Stephenie Meyer owns_ Twilight; _I don't.

But my words are my own.

* * *

BPOV

* * *

**1.**

* * *

The sleep isn't even wiped from my eyes when I grab my iPhone and press the home button.

I unconsciously swipe my thumb across the screen until seeing the big white "f" with sky blue background.

Relief floods me; this is my fix—my lifeline to the outside world.

I reason it's better than my morning cup of coffee, my late-afternoon drink, or maybe even sex.

I scroll first through posts revealing people's W's: their whats, wheres and whens.

I tap onto who's on and await the comfort of my favorites.

And for the first time ever he wasn't there.

* * *

A/N:

Review me your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you to my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	2. Chapter 2

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_; I don't.

But my words are my own.

* * *

BPOV

* * *

**2.**

* * *

I tap Messenger and swipe left.

His icon, complete with handsome face and glowing cheeks, still appears, but gone is the little phone and green dot.

_Something's wrong._

My index finger hovers over his avatar as my brain catches on to this meaning.

Shakily, I push the space over his picture on my screen revealing our messages.

Facebook User displays at the top with no name attached. Our words are still there, but his image on this screen's now gone.

Only a ghostly outline remains.

Its eerie anonymity totally contradicts our meaningful exchanges—our banter and friendship.

_I feel lost._

* * *

A/N:

Review me your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you to my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	3. Chapter 3

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_; I don't.

But my words are my own.

* * *

BPOV

* * *

** 3.**

* * *

My stomach burns.

I feel the bitter bile rising in my throat.

My chest constricts, lungs tighten, and heart agonizes.

A torrent of emotions floods my walls.

_I know he's out there. _

I feel it.

I'll always feel it, feel him until he takes his last breath or I take mine.

We've never even met, yet I now feel abandoned.

Can I blame post-Halloween blues or maybe winter's coming?

Should I blame the impending darkness or absence of the sun?

Or should I only blame the absence of _his_ sun or his missing green dot?

_Why do I feel hopeless?_

* * *

A/N:

Review me your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you to my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	4. Chapter 4

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight. _

My words are my own.

* * *

EPOV

* * *

**4.**

* * *

The minute I clicked my mouse, I felt like I was ripping in half.

A part of me felt joy beyond anything I'd ever experienced topping graduation, first love and even getting my own place.

But my other half was miserable like I betrayed everyone I ever friended.

I knew I had to cut the cord, sever the snake, without dragging this out.

If I had, I never would have had the guts to see this through.

They would have talked me out of it.

There would have always been something else I would have felt compelled to respond to.

* * *

A/N:

Tell me your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you to my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	5. Chapter 5

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_, but my words are my own.

* * *

EPOV

* * *

**5.**

* * *

My fingers just itch to tap.

It's only been a few minutes, and already I'm feeling it, the withdrawal of not knowing, the anxiety of disconnection.

I want to know how Cora's going to cope without her son, if Tyler got the job we helped him prepare for, or when Carmen's signing her book deal.

_Sigh_

I feel like I'm letting everyone down—especially her, Bella.

That girl is a beacon.

She's a billion candlepower spotlight in that secret world and has been a champion for everyone in it.

She has never spoken ill of anyone, but she may start now.

* * *

A/N:

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you to my beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading.  
PAD


	6. Chapter 6

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_.

But my words are mine.

* * *

EPOV

* * *

**6.**

* * *

If she knew I'd planned this, she never would have let me execute it.

She's the one person I would have truly conceded to.

My chest is tightening . . . my heart's palpitating . . . and I'm hyperventilating.

God, I miss her.

_What the fuck did I just do!_

I can't just reactivate my account and resume as if nothing's happened.

_I'm a wreck. _

I need to get my life back.

But I've just come to realize, I don't have one without her.

I'm panicking.

Would she see me as a stalker if I track her down?

Would she even talk to me now?

* * *

A/N:

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you to my beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	7. Chapter 7

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_; I don't.

But my words are my own.

* * *

BPOV

* * *

**7.**

* * *

Fanfiction and cliquey groups brought about our initial meeting.

He was so shy—always on the fringe of any conversation but there listening, nonetheless, waiting for the right time to contribute.

His words were amazing and so profound.

It's as though he pondered his answer for days before commenting.

Whenever he'd review any story of mine, his beautiful words rendered me teary-eyed and near speechless.

When I encouraged him to try his own hand at writing, his first post affected me for days.

I could tell he was fragile like a newly-hatched chick and not impenetrable like us tortoise-shelled veterans.

* * *

A/N:

Please leave me your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you to my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	8. Chapter 8

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_; I don't.

But my words are my own.

* * *

BPOV

* * *

**8.**

* * *

I reason there's a reason.

_There's always one. _

Maybe he received a horrible review or a terrible message.

Perhaps a relative is dying or his own health is failing.

Maybe he's just sick and tired of being sick and tired.

_After all, his words were becoming darker._

Maybe he's working longer hours and hasn't any time.

He could have changed his job, too, or might have even lost it.

_Things happen._

Maybe he moved.

Maybe he moved to a remote place with no connectivity.

Maybe he no longer has a place, a home.

_Times are tough._

Maybe he met someone.

* * *

A/N:

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you to my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	9. Chapter 9

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_; I don't.

But my words are my own.

* * *

BPOV

* * *

**9.**

* * *

No!

Sounding the alarm, I hit the "all" button, summoning the battalion.

Everyone's on alert— the Twitterers, Facebookers, and Fanfictioners—for Ed-Doesn't-Want-To-Be-Weird's whereabouts.

_ I won't surrender._

I know he'll show up somewhere.

He couldn't have just deserted us, _deserted me_.

I keep willing myself to believe—it's a mistake, just a glitch–he'll be back in no time.

But my reasonable self says my optimism hasn't any basis; it's empty.

My stomach senses the finality of his actions, yet my brain and especially my heart continue the motions.

Ten thousand responses later yield no sightings but a handful of clues.

* * *

A/N:

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you to my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	10. Chapter 10

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_; I don't.

But my words are mine.

* * *

EPOV

* * *

**10.**

* * *

Who am I kidding?

I won't look for her.

_I can't. _

I can't, because I won't.

And it's not because I don't want to.

I don't even leave my house.

_I just can't. _

I'm paralyzed by whom I've become—a dysfunctional—one obsessed by social media.

I respond to the sun as if I were a vampire, not able to bring myself to do anything in daylight.

I'm so sickly and pale.

Trick-or-treaters were even surprised by my appearance, probably thinking I was actually wearing makeup and a costume when in reality, I needed sleep, a shave, and fresh clothes.

* * *

A/N:

What are your thoughts?

* * *

Thank you to my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	11. Chapter 11

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_; I don't.

But my words are mine.

* * *

EPOV

* * *

**11.**

* * *

I live in my house 24-7.

Everything comes to me.

My internet work transmissions, my take-out food, and even my groceries are at my fingertips.

They are the same fingertips that got me into this rut—this hole I can't seem to climb out of.

I've completely shut myself off, always making an excuse to ditch another social function or dismal family gathering.

I haven't anyone to share, to bring with me.

My siblings are married and have families.

I'm too introverted, too shy, and too weird to have anyone.

That's why I began conversing online.

No one judged me.

* * *

A/N:

What are you thinking?

* * *

Thank you to my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	12. Chapter 12

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_; I don't.

But my words are my own.

* * *

EPOV

* * *

**12.**

* * *

_She_ would be wonderful to bring, all fierce, smart, and bubbly.

My whole family would just love her.

_I know I would._

But this is real life.

_Would she ever want me?_

We're not bound.

No names, addresses, or phone numbers were exchanged.

_She wouldn't want someone as boring as I am._

Bella's my opposite.

She's full of life.

_She probably has a boyfriend anyway._

That thought saddens me.

She got me to talk and open up.

I've divulged things to her I've never told another soul.

She was my best friend.

_And I never got to tell her that._

* * *

A/N:

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you to my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	13. Chapter 13

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_, but my words are my own.

* * *

BPOV

* * *

**13.**

* * *

I post, thanking everyone taking time in sorting their own mail from him before I begin looking at the mountain of messages he personally wrote me.

I also offer up a plea for a prayer or two to be sent his way just in case the universe happens to be against him at this time in his life.

He's been a kind and decent person who always contributed to special causes, wished others well, offered congratulations, and provided much needed encouragement.

He pre-read, bannered, beta'd and administrated for anyone in need.

The fandom just won't be the same without him.

* * *

A/N:

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you to my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading

PAD


	14. Chapter 14

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_; I don't. But my words are mine.

* * *

BPOV

* * *

**14.**

* * *

I feel his absence.

But I'm determined.

Wiping tears from my eyes, clearing my vision, I check one last time, making sure he hasn't posted anything anywhere online.

I also look to make certain he hasn't completely removed any of his stories—as in those that are P2P. His are exceptional and would do quite well in mainstream sales.

I gain a small amount of comfort, seeing his body of work still intact on Fanfiction, TWCS, Live Journal, and Fictionpad and quickly convert them to PDFs should he decide to abandon us, entirely.

At least I'll always have his words.

* * *

A/N:

Please tell me your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you Chayasara, my beta, for fixing my words.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	15. Chapter 15

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_; but my words are mine.

* * *

BPOV

* * *

**15.**

* * *

It's been nearly a week, and I actually have a glimmer of hope.

Gabby1017 said he mentioned going home on Highway 101 on Fridays to a place with no spoons.

Ohgeefantasy commented that he wrote computer code for a Harvard dropout and had to commute a hundred and fifty miles twice a week.

He told Rita01tx last year that he had to get his brakes checked after an enormous foreign recall.

SunflowerFran remarked that he had Pad Thai delivered to his house every Saturday night at 6:00 p.m.

I think I need a road trip but not before, seeing Angela.

* * *

A/N:

Any guesses?

Who's Angela?

More clues from Bella's army will follow.

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you, Chayasara, for your incredibly quick pen, enabling me to get this posted tonight.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	16. Chapter 16

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_, but my words are my own.

* * *

EPOV

* * *

**16.**

* * *

I pull away the covers, barely awake, and stare at my phone.

I'm impaled.

I clutch at my heart and rub, trying to will away the burn of my self-imposed isolation.

The painful reminder is piercing and doesn't allow me to forget my decision.

I'm exhausted.

It's been seven days, and I've slept through half of them.

Thankfully, this week, I can do all my programming from home.

I'd never make the commute.

This moratorium, this limbo, this flux is far worse than I could have imagined.

Fortunately, I haven't any pet to neglect.

Otherwise, it would probably be dead.

* * *

A/N:

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you, Chayasara, for your wonderful beta'ing.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	17. Chapter 17

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_, but my words are my own.

* * *

EPOV

* * *

**17.**

* * *

_I'm depressed._

This is my pity party.

I observe the array of empty take-out containers, dried-up dying houseplants, mounds of scattered laundry, and piles of unread newspapers.

_Nothing's changed._

Those things were there even before I deserted my friends.

I shuffle into the kitchen, scuffing my slippers across the floor, not even bothering to change out of my pajamas.

What's the point?

I haven't anyone to impress.

I went from having no one, to having everyone, to having no one.

The truth is, I would really love just having someone.

Hopefully, I can get well enough someday so I can.

* * *

A/N:

Please share your words.

* * *

Thank you, Chayasara, for fixing mine.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	18. Chapter 18

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_; but my words are my own.

* * *

EPOV

* * *

**18.**

* * *

As I crunch on my slightly stale Lucky Charms with somewhat sour milk, I reflect on how I left.

I know how it feels when fandom favorites disappear, leaving the "left-behinds" left behind.

Never wanting to be one of _them_, I understand.

My life isn't mine anymore, so I need to reengage and find normal, at least as much as I can.

Sadly, I disconnect my laptop, the one I specifically bought for FB and Fanfiction and close the cover with a soft click.

Why does it feel as if I just set the lid down on my own coffin?

* * *

A/N:

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you to my wonderful beta, Chayasara, for sharing hers.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	19. Chapter 19

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_; but my words are my own.

* * *

BPOV

* * *

**19.**

* * *

With hopeful optimism, I pull into the Port Angeles police barracks.

My sigh is one of relief as my dad's cruiser is absent from the lot.

If my shift-commander Dad were here, he'd most certainly be lecturing me on misappropriating personnel for nonofficial business.

Upon entering, taking in the familiar surroundings, I see my smiling friend—one of the few I have outside of Fanfiction—sitting at her high-end computer with accelerated graphics.

"Hey, Bella, I got your message. You know I'm always happy help, but let's hurry up and have a look at that picture before Charlie gets back."

* * *

A/N:

Ooh, what's Angela going to do?

Do you think Bella's being too much of a stalker?

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you, Chayasara, for your warm words and wonderful beta'ing.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	20. Chapter 20

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_; my words are my own.

* * *

BPOV

* * *

**20.**

* * *

"Thanks, Angela. I really appreciate you doing this; my dad would think I was wasting police resources and becoming slightly nuts if I asked him for help in finding someone I've never met before."

That'sMzPeachesTYVM mentioned that Ed told her that he used a second grade photograph for his profile picture.

I hand Angela an enlarged color print of Ed's FB image to scan into her facial compositing and age progression forensic graphics program.

I also tell her to create an additional image with him wearing glasses as Hoodfabulous said Ed had recently purchased a pair with black metal frames.

* * *

A/N:

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you, Chayasara, for your wonderful fixes.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	21. Chapter 21

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_; my words are my own.

* * *

BPOV

* * *

**21.**

* * *

I tell Angela to age the face in the photo to represent that of a twenty-eight-year-old.

He told DawnsWhimsy last year that he was going to a birthday dinner for his sister who was turning twenty-five.

Judyblue95 said Ed told her his sister was two years younger than he was.

I exchange pleasantries, grabbing a cup of police station coffee, older than dirt, and let Angela work her magic.

Twenty minutes later, she calls me over to her screen.

"Wow! Bella, you have to see this."

I walk around her chair and peer over her shoulder.

"Holy shit! He's gorgeous!"

* * *

A/N:

What are you thinking?

Review me your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you, Chayasara, for correcting my commas, and fixing my backward ass.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	22. Chapter 22

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_; but my words are my own.

* * *

(Previously from Chapter 18 EPOV)

_Why does it feel as if I just set the lid down on my own coffin?_

* * *

EPOV

* * *

22.

* * *

Probably, it's because I just did drive a spike into my own casket.

I feel dead inside, like there isn't much I'm living for.

Maybe I'll never write again.

It certainly won't be because I don't want to.

Maybe I should find another habit.

My body feels like it's going through withdrawal.

I'm angry, anxious, and sad with no one to vent to.

But that's my own doing.

Writing was my deliverance—until it wasn't.

It set me free—until I became trapped.

I need rescuing from _it_.

Yet I'd rather be drowning in words.

I wasn't always like this.

* * *

A/N:

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you, Chayasara, for refining my words. (aka getting the sludge out)

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD

* * *

Post A/N:

Last week I had the pleasure of meeting my incredible beta, **Chayasara**, and the great and wonderful **Bornonhalloween**. It was absolutely, amazing, meeting them in person. I felt every bit of Dorothy in the Great Land of Oz. I kept waiting to wake up or for a house to drop onto me, thinking they really weren't there. The evening Mr. PAD and I shared with them was beyond fascinating and one I will always treasure.


	23. Chapter 23

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_; but my words are my own.

* * *

EPOV

* * *

23.

* * *

It wasn't always like this—the depression, I mean.

I accepted being solitary.

I stayed in my bubble, remained in my cave, read dry texts, solved discrete math.

As long as I had logic and lines of code, I didn't think I needed anything else.

I didn't think I needed anything else until some of my classmates introduced me to online fantasy.

Then I couldn't tear myself away.

I thought, "How good could something be if it were free?"

But I quickly dispelled that thought and all misconceptions and stereotypes when I recognized the genius behind the fledgling, unknown authors.

* * *

A/N:

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you to my wonderful beta, Chayasara, for fixing my words.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	24. Chapter 24

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_; but my words are mine.

* * *

EPOV

* * *

24.

* * *

I began reading,

then read,

and read,

and read

until I couldn't read anymore, needing sleep.

Fan fiction writing was very good—exceptional even—definitely better than ninety percent of what I'd perused that had already been published.

Curious, I also read the original _Twilight_ novels, wondering what all of the fan hype was about.

And I soon found myself oddly fascinated, and totally immersed, in not only those characters but also the ones from original stories written by fans, using the same character names.

In the beginning I always read without reviewing, that is until she—Bella987654—changed me.

* * *

A/N:

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you, Chayasara, for detailing me.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD

* * *

Post A/N:

If you aren't reading this wonderful story (**Under My Nose**) by **Gabby1017** please do so. I am honored she chose me as a prereader for this unique, funny, endearing tale that will leave you warm and smiling.


	25. Chapter 25

Stephenie Meyer owns_ Twilight_; but my words are my own.

* * *

BPOV

* * *

25.

* * *

Thanking Angela, I strategize what else I need to do.

Luckily, I haven't any work this weekend and can spend more time finding him.

I figure due to its proximity to Highway 101, "a place with no spoons," must be Forks, Washington.

This is serendipitous as I only live an hour away in Port Angeles.

All this time we've been so close, never even realizing it.

When I get home, I search Microsoft's website and find his picture under their Who's Who Directory.

I discover his real name's Edward Cullen.

What are the odds?

My heart melts at the coincidence.

* * *

A/N:

What are the odds?

Review me your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you, Chayasara, for your wonderful beta'ing.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	26. Chapter 26

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_; but my words are mine.

* * *

BPOV

* * *

26.

* * *

It's Saturday morning, and I rise with enthusiastic optimism.

Last night, I did some investigating and found only one Thai restaurant that delivers to Forks.

And it just happens to be here in Port Angeles.

With brimming happiness, I breeze through my housework then ready myself before driving to Sabai Thai.

I allow time to make a menu selection then position myself in a booth close to their phone, praying I can decipher the order I anticipate.

At precisely four-forty, a call comes in for Pad Thai to be driven to Forks.

With giddy anticipation, I barely finish my dinner.

* * *

A/N:

Do you think she'll find him?

Review me your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you, Chayasara, for your wonderful beta'ing.

* * *

Thank you reading.

PAD


	27. Chapter 27

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_; but my words are mine.

* * *

BPOV

* * *

27.

* * *

I pay my bill and wait in my car.

At five fifty-five, the delivery boy carries out a stapled paper bag.

Stealthily, I follow him through rain-soaked roads until he reaches a gray cape with a gravel driveway.

There's a parked Toyota Camry.

I pull ahead and watch the driver exchange the food for cash.

Allowing a fifteen-minute courtesy for _him_ to eat, I then walk nervously on crushed stone.

His porch's gate is loose—unhinged—like the one he's written about.

Unhinged—like him.

I ring the doorbell; he answers.

"May I help you?"

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"It's me, Bella."

* * *

A/N:

What's Edward thinking?

Review me your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you, Chayasara, for you wonderful beta work.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	28. Chapter 28

Stephenie Meyer owns all of _Twilight_; but my words are my own.

EPOV

**28.**

God, she's beautiful!

Is it really her?

How'd she find me?

_Shit!_

Fortunately, I showered and have on jeans, but I'm so scruffy.

I need a haircut and shave.

_Fuck!_

This place is a mess!

I haven't vacuumed in months.

My sink's filled with dishes.

Stuff's strewn everywhere.

_I need a rock to crawl under._

I'm so embarrassed.

"Bella from Fanfiction?"

"Yes! It's really me. I've been worried sick. I had to find you."

Just then, she throws her arms around my waist, planting her head against my stomach, knocking me backward.

Even with my unbalance, her touch is wonderful.

A/N:

Please share your thoughts.

Thank you to my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	29. Chapter 29

Stephenie Meyer owns all of Twilight; but my words are my own.

EPOV

29.

"Sorry."

She offers a shy apology as she pulls away but not before I inhale a whiff of her hair.

It's amazing!

She smells just like I'd imagined she would, all spicy, musky, and Twilighty like the Bath and Bodyworks scents we both shamefully admitted to using.

"It's okay."

I hate the distance I've put between us.

She's still standing six inches below me under my porch's awning, but she looks much lower than that.

I reconcile I'm the one who needs humbling.

It's now or never.

"Would you like to come in? Forgive the disaster. I haven't been myself."

A/N:

Please share your thoughts.

Thank you to my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	30. Chapter 30

Stephenie Meyer owns all of _Twilight_; but my words are my own.

EPOV

30.

She steps upward inside.

"Oh, Ed, or is it Edward? I wouldn't care if this were a cave as long as I knew you were still living."

Her acceptance of me is daunting. I don't deserve it.

"I actually prefer Edward. Do you prefer Bella?"

"Yes. But, really, my name is Isabella. Isabella Swan."

_I must be looking at her as if she has a blind third eye._

"Seriously? You aren't kidding me? Did you have it changed? Is that your real surname?"

"It's all mine, _Edward Cullen_."

Her enflamed cheeks and sheepishness says she knows _much_ more about me.

A/N:

Wow, a real Edward Cullen and Bella Swan, no wonder Edward was surprised?

How do you think he's taking this, right now?

Please share your thoughts.

Thank you to my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

Thank you for reading.

PAD

Congratulations to Ohgeefantasy, Daphodill, and Hoodfabulous for their Fanfiction contest wins. Please read their wonderful works. They are amazing ladies.


	31. Chapter 31

Stephenie Meyer owns all of _Twilight_; but my words are my own.

* * *

BPOV

* * *

**31.**

* * *

He starts pressing his hands into his robe's pockets.

He's nervously padding his feet back and forth, looking at the door.

He's clearly freaking-out.

"Oh my God! You must think I'm a stalker."

"Well, the thought did just . . . cross my mind. You have to understand with my name, being what it is, I have had my share of unusual . . . _encounters_."

"Please, Edward, hear me out. I'm just a very concerned friend. I'm not here to go all crazy-fangirl on you. If you still feel uncomfortable with me after I explain, I swear I will leave and never bother you again."

* * *

A/N:

Edward seems to be a bit apprehensive.

What kinds of encounters do you think he has had?

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you to my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	32. Chapter 32

Stephenie Meyer owns all of _Twilight_; but my words are my own.

* * *

BPOV

* * *

**32.**

* * *

He gestures for me to sit down on his brown leather love seat, removing about six months of unread newspapers first so I can sit, while he opts for settling into his matching recliner.

Now that the shock of first seeing him is wearing off, I take my first quick glance around and note the dust, excess, and disarray.

Thankfully, it's not to the degree of squalor, but I assess he's depressed, nonetheless.

I start at the beginning and explain everything.

He needs my honesty.

When I'm finished, I'm left staring at his wide eyes, dropped jaw, and catatonic state.

* * *

A/N:

What do you think Edward is thinking?

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you to my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	33. Chapter 33

Stephenie Meyer owns all of _Twilight_; but my words are my own.

* * *

BPOV

* * *

**33.**

* * *

"Edward, say something!"

I'm ready to clap my hands or give him a slap.

He's scaring me.

His eyes finally return to mine, dismissing their previous lost glaze.

"Wow. You went through all that trouble, just to find me?"

"Of course I did. Why wouldn't I? You're my friend. I . . . l-like you . . . at least as much as online-strangers who are friends who've never met could."

"Really?"

"Yes, Edward. We've shared some pretty personal things. I trust you more than anyone. You're the only one who enabled me to believe in myself, how could that not warrant l-like?"

"I . . . l-like you, too."

* * *

A/N:

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you to my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	34. Chapter 34

Stephenie Meyer owns all of _Twilight_, but I own my words.

* * *

EPOV

* * *

**34.**

* * *

_Bella stalked me to find me._

But _she's_ in my house.

And her name's _really_ Swan.

_I don't know how to feel about that._

But she's here; she found me!

And she's stunning and buoyant and radiant and just amazing!

_I must be in an alternate universe; these things just don't happen to me._

Maybe we'll become a canon couple.

_Stop thinking like that; you'll only chase her away!_

But she went through all that trouble; she must feel something.

_I will hold that thought._

Soulmates come around once in a lifetime; I pray she feels the same way.

* * *

A/N:

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you, my wonderful beta, Chayasara, for doing what you do.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	35. Chapter 35

Stephenie Meyer owns all of _Twilight_, but I own my words.

* * *

EPOV

* * *

**35.**

* * *

I should be terrified, but I'm not.

To find clues, she poured through four years of our messages and went through ten thousand more from others.

She found my workplace, knew what I drove, and even age-enhanced my elementary school picture.

Fuck! She even found my delivery driver and followed him here!

I should be angry, but knowing her law-enforcement upbringing, I understand her doing what she did, and I can't fault her.

If anything, I'm humbled—humbled that she cared to find me, cared enough to, maybe, fix me, cared enough to just care if I lived or died.

* * *

A/N:

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you, my wonderful beta, Chayasara, for doing what you do.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	36. Chapter 36

Stephenie Meyer owns all of _Twilight_, but I own my words.

* * *

EPOV

* * *

**36.**

* * *

"Edward, you don't have to tell me if it's too painful to share, but if you're willing, I would love to hear why you felt the need to leave. I promise I not to judge you."

As uncomfortable as I feel about divulging this, I emit a sigh, lean forward, and just spill.

"You've figured out I write code for a prestigious company. The public depends on me. They demand excellence from their purchases. I became so absorbed with on-line conversing and fan-fiction writing, I began losing my perspective and started becoming careless. I didn't care to work anymore. Depression followed."

* * *

A/N:

Poor Edward.

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you, my wonderful beta, Chayasara, for doing what you do.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	37. Chapter 37

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_, but my words are my own.

* * *

BPOV

* * *

**37.**

* * *

Edward continues speaking, but he's become distant, not meeting my eyes—sort of lost.

"The more I wrote, the more I thrived on the positive feedback. Being socially awkward, I didn't believe fans' remarks, but then I felt like an actor or athlete or even a rock star. Now attention-addicted, I needed people's opinions more than sleep, or family, or even my job—the one I used to live for."

He looks so crushed and so ashamed; I just have to intervene. Getting up, I move to him and sit crossed-legged at his feet.

"Edward, I'm here. _Please_, need me."

* * *

A/N:

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you, my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	38. Chapter 38

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_, but my words are my own.

* * *

BPOV

* * *

**38.**

* * *

I want Edward to know it's not _just_ about him.

So I grab both his hands and wrap what I can of mine around them.

He is so cold; so uncirculated.

When our eyes finally do meet, his deeply gaze into mine, trying to comprehend my actions, willing me not to let go, wanting me to understand, and begging me not to stop caring.

But how could I not care? I'm still here. He's still himself and only fractured, hopefully, not obliterated. I convey his significance to me with my pleading eyes and squeezing hands. Thankfully, he returns my gestures.

* * *

A/N:

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you, my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	39. Chapter 39

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_, but my words are mine.

* * *

BPOV

* * *

**39.**

* * *

"_Please_, tell me more."

"I didn't make any million-dollar errors, working, but I came close. Though, being a perfectionist, it gnawed away at me. I'd loved what I did, and to some extent still do, but I've lost my edge. It takes me longer to complete things. My brain's changed. I feel the difference. I'd stay in Redmond for the week and commute on weekends. I'd save sixteen hours not driving. I talked my supervisor into letting me work from home. Soon I didn't even want to leave my house. Regardless, I'd still answer every review, PM, and instant message . . ."

* * *

A/N:

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you, my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	40. Chapter 40

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_, but my words are mine.

* * *

EPOV

* * *

**40.**

* * *

"Sometimes I responded to them while I was still working. I used to keep a log of times I would stop and start just so I wouldn't feel guilty, cheating my company—a man is nothing without his honor. After a while, I felt myself becoming so reclusive, I didn't even want to go outside, shop, or as you see, go to my barber. I felt myself withdrawing even further. I didn't want to do laundry, wash dishes, use the vacuum, or read the news. I realized my lowest point when I missed going to my mother's sixtieth birthday party. . ."

* * *

A/N:

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you, my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	41. Chapter 41

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_, but my words are mine.

* * *

EPOV

* * *

**41.**

* * *

"I had to get a story out of my head and into my laptop. By the time I had finished, it was the next day. That's when I realized I had to change, but more importantly, fix myself. I had no _physical_ friends and my family stopped trying to engage me, so I hadn't any support. I thought the only way to stop was by completely unhinging myself from the fandom and social media. In case my plan to straighten out didn't work, I had backups: a quart of Smirnoff, a bottle of Ambien, a 9mm, and a good rope . . ."

* * *

A/N:

There's always hope, Edward.

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you, my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	42. Chapter 42

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_, but my words are mine.

* * *

EPOV

* * *

**42.**

* * *

Bella gasps and jerks me forward, holding tighter.

"I'd be lying if I'd said _those_ thoughts hadn't crossed my mind. I hate not being able to work like I used to, not being able to gather with family like I want to, not being able to write like I desire to, and not being able to think like I ought to. I've tried antidepressants, but then I can't function at all. I just couldn't _think_ of what else to do. So I left." Breaking eye contact with Bella, I'm a diminished man.

"Edward, when's the last time someone's kissed you?"

* * *

A/N:

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you, my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	43. Chapter 43

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_, but my words are mine.

BPOV

* * *

**43.**

* * *

Edward lifts his head, shooting it upward so fast I didn't realize what I'd said would even register.

"W-why?"

"Well, touch is an underrated sense, and it doesn't appear as though you have any pets, or a . . . girlfriend. Judging by the way you are holding onto my hands, you haven't had anyone in your life for awhile. And I wouldn't be opposed to seeing if it isn't something that you would like. Kissing might make you feel better."

"What about you? How would you feel?"

I wouldn't be asking you if I weren't accepting of it."

"Oh."

* * *

A/N:

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you, my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	44. Chapter 44

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_, but my words are mine.

* * *

BPOV

* * *

**44.**

* * *

"Come here, Edward."

I gather myself and pull him with me towards the love seat. We are equally nervous, but I have to be the strong one here for us both.

With us seated, I start by caressing his flannel-encased shoulder to relax him. A soft blue plaid bathrobe covers his khaki T-shirt and dark jeans while fleece-lined moccasins hug his bare feet, completing his stay-at-home look.

My hand moves to his neck, kneading his cloth-covered muscles along the way. He freezes when I touch the underside of his jaw and sucks in a breath, holding it, anticipating what's next.

* * *

A/N:

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you, my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	45. Chapter 45

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_, but my words are mine.

* * *

BPOV

* * *

**45.**

* * *

His beard's soft and conditioned from a recent shower and though damp, his hair's silky but much longer than in his work photograph. Always raking his fingers through it, Edward appears bothered by the length.

"Edward, do you trust me?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Close your eyes and just feel."

Clearly uncomfortable, he shuts his eyes, and I begin my exploration, lightly running my fingers across his face, head, and chest.

When brushing my thumb against his lips, he sweetly sighs.

Determined, I graze his mouth with mine.

I'd swear that I was awakening the dead with the groan he lets out.

* * *

A/N:

What do you think of Bella's tactics to get Edward out of his funk?

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you, my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	46. Chapter 46

Stephenie Meyer owns all of _Twilight_, but I own my words.

* * *

EPOV

* * *

**46.**

* * *

Oh my God! What do I do? Bella's kissing me!

_And she didn't turn into a frog._

I stay perfectly still with equal parts shock and fear—shock that she'd even want to kiss me and fear that she might stop and head for the door.

When she scratched my head and jaw earlier, it nearly had me howling and tamping my foot, and I'm doing all I can now just to maintain control.

Bella tugs on my lips and runs her tongue over mine, seeking entrance into my no-fly zone.

"You know, Edward, it is okay to kiss back."

* * *

A/N:

I think Edward ought to entertain entering Bella's no-fly zone. What do you think?

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you to my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

* * *

**Also please check out the fute (funny + cute) Drabble I'm writing with Bornonhalloween. It's posting on her sight and is entitled "SHAKE".**

**Also please check out her story "Soiled".**

**And also please check out the stories by these lovely lively ladies I preread for:**

**Gabby1017 and Ohgeefantasy**

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	47. Chapter 47

Stephenie Meyer owns all of _Twilight_, but my words are my own.

* * *

EPOV

* * *

**47.**

* * *

"All right."

I let out a staggered breath and decide I _can_ do this.

_Buck up or fuck up._

I dig deep into the recesses of past characters—my fictional Casanova Cullens I've written about—and not the recesses of my failed personal life.

_Defeats won't get me anywhere._

I pretend I am a war-torn, WWII soldier, coming home to his sweetheart, seeing her for the first time after three years of combat, wanting to express to her how much all of her letters—each and every word—has meant to me.

And I can't help but draw the parallels.

* * *

A/N:

What do you think about Edward summoning his inner actor to interact with Bella?

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you, my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


	48. Chapter 48

Stephenie Meyer owns _Twilight_, but my words are mine.

* * *

EPOV

* * *

**48.**

* * *

I let loose and just pretend, pretend that I'm this great and passionate lover I can mimic, because mimicry is all I have.

I'm not that guy.

I'm no hero.

I shouldn't get the girl, _that girl_—**her**—the one I'm now clutching in my arms and making breathless with my advances.

But I _am_ getting her and getting _to_ her.

I reverently yet forcefully let my mouth and hands get lost in our connection.

"Oh, Edward, so good!"

And I must be doing a great job at it. Otherwise, she wouldn't be pulling me down on top of her.

* * *

A/N:

Maybe the real Edward has a little bit of that Casanova hidden in him after all.

Please share your thoughts.

* * *

Thank you, to my wonderful beta, Chayasara.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

PAD


End file.
